I’ve been coaching around 20 clients in the last few months, and we have had so many inspiring and mind-expanding moments throughout the journey. I thought to pen down some of these reflections in a series of notes, Off My Desk. This is the first in that series.
Most people live life by default. To a degree, life by default serves us, and it’s the life we put in work and effort everyday to upkeep. Up until we get a gnawing feeling that something needs to change.
The first big step is honouring that self-awareness. It’s huge and we usually don’t pause and celebrate it enough.
The next step is a journey of action. I say journey, because I’ve observed that it usually takes a long time to compel action after awareness, even in extremely high-performing coachees. Which is reasonable when you think about it – you’re self-inflicting change and upheaval in your own life, and revising old mindset and behavioural patterns which have been baked into ritual. And the funny thing is, one’s life by default isn’t usually 100% bad. If not, the unbearable pain would have propelled us to taken action already. It’s really more of a one-degree off-course flight path, or as C.S. Lewis puts it “The safest road to hell is the gradual one – a gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.”
So one’s life by default isn’t 100% bad, but it isn’t great either. That’s why there’s usually that feeling plaguing us that something’s off-kilter.
I’ve found that the biggest help during the arduous action phase is to remember the why and remember the wins. The why always is about honoring yourself. The action is just a means to help you get to practise that self-honoring. You may be asking for time off for your health, you may be setting boundaries because you have not spent time with your kids, you may be redesigning your schedule because you have not had time for creative output. Whatever it is, you are moving your plane one-degree back to your intended flight path.
Remembering your wins. Expect that they’re usually one-degree, and nothing spectacular. Don’t dismiss the one degree. They might be a leave request you made, a piece of writing you set time aside for, a courageous conversation you had with a spouse, getting up in the morning for a run. It is the act of consistent, one-degree discipline that get you comfortable and familiar with a new set of patterns more in line with your intended flight path.
Let me share an experience I had designing over my default. Personally, I found that my default activity whenever I had a free evening was mind-numbingly binge-watching entertainment. My design, which happened gradually over a month, was cancelling all my entertainment subscriptions – first with Netflix, then with Disney Plus and now with Apple TV. Sure, I don’t know what’s going on in Squid Game and cannot hold a conversation about it, but I feel much more in control of my free time and can deploy it better.
So one question for you today: If you could live life by design and not by default, what would you do differently?
I am an International Coaching Federation (ICF) trained coach who partners high-performing individuals to success by helping them gain clarity, get unstuck and take serious action toward their best lives. Trusted by my clients from Grab, Dell, Google, Silver Lake, DHL, Singapore Economic Development Board (EDB), Singapore Tourism Board (STB), Straits Law LLP and many more, I work as a key partner in helping them get closer to achieving the best versions of themselves. Drop me a ping if you’d like to have a no-obligations discovery call on being coached.
Cheryl Sim 